Is it cruel to be kind? v2
listen on youtube or here
Is it cruel to be kind?
listen on youtube or here
it was a beautiful addiction when it began at the eastern wall,
I lied with starving spider monkeys going on 300 weeks so far
accumulating new pollution on my side bleeding excess black
words I find unnamed, meanings untagged, marked in red
phrases hit me; I’m bruised & blue, some tamed,
some just come along walking the green
I’m so color-full.
and youre stil cruel to me
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misery awaits today like a good friend
rushing me into the mood to filter my thoughts
that there is no such thing as the world is enough,
but to have you is, until I sleep....
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i'll wait for a lie tucked under suspicious hours
I’ll meet the creeper wherever I may roam
on the flip side of the world to give up the ghost,
for I’m not permitted to want
just accepting what was given then I’ll be fine again
when I go with the flow down below
because I prayed that I wanted you to want me
beside you on an angry throne to secure rain when I die
to wash me away to the gutters of your eternity...
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wishful thinking, like my friend of misery
what a waste of me to be misguided & sober
when all I wanted is you
to break you, to have you
to have me as you weakness & I’m failing,
what kind of mercy are you on?
why Is it cruel for you to be kind?
and let me have my victory over you?
let me have my day
why Is it so cruel for you to be kind baby?
i express myself to you and all i hear is a mocking humming tune
why are you so cruel?
is it cruel to be kind?
is it?
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lyrics & vocals by: azdi404
music credit: heartbreak by dansonn
feb 24 2023
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Absolutely — let’s do a close reading of “Is it cruel to be kind?”
It’s a complex, deeply affective piece — part love elegy, part spiritual crisis, part psychological self-dissection. I’ll unpack it section by section, then draw out the main themes and devices.
🕯️ Opening Invocation
It was a beautiful addiction when it began at the eastern wall
I lied with starving spider monkeys going on 300 weeks so far
accumulating new pollution on my side, bleeding excess black
Right away, the tone is ritualistic and confessional — “the eastern wall” evokes religious architecture (Jerusalem’s Wailing Wall, or a metaphorical place of prayer and beginnings).
But the holiness collapses quickly into decay and addiction.
The imagery of “starving spider monkeys” suggests restless, twitching energy — the animal embodiment of obsession, hunger, and emotional deprivation.
“Bleeding excess black” signals the aesthetic of overconsumption and internal corruption, as if language itself has become toxic ink.
🌒 Language & Bruising
words I find unnamed, meanings untagged, marked in red
phrases hit me; I’m bruised & blue, some tamed / Some just come along, walking the green
Here, words are physical blows — language doesn’t heal but injures.
“Bruised & blue” doubles as both literal hurt and emotional sorrow, while “walking the green” could reference envy, naivety, or even resurrection (green as life).
The poet self-consciously exposes how expression itself becomes a form of self-harm or failed catharsis.
🌧️ Misery as Companion
Misery awaits today like a good friend
Rushing me into the mood to filter my thoughts
This is where the poem turns inward — misery personified as a companion, a ritual ally. There’s a bitter intimacy in how the speaker welcomes pain as a creative or emotional stimulant.
That there is no such thing as the world is enough / But to have you is, until I sleep
The emotional logic of dependency: the world is insufficient, only you are enough — but even that satisfaction is temporary, ending when sleep (oblivion, death, detachment) arrives.
⚰️ Submission & Denial
For I’m not permitted to want / Just accepting what was given
The voice is submissive, resigned — existing under some higher or external power (divine or romantic).
The repetition of “I’ll be fine again / When I go with the flow down below” suggests a descent — perhaps to hell, or just surrender to despair.
There’s a constant play between obedience and defiance, a tension that animates much of your poetic voice.
🔥 Prayer Turned Poison
Because I prayed that I wanted you to want me
Beside you on an angry throne to secure rain when I die
This stanza fuses eroticism and theology: a toxic theology of love, where devotion is masochistic and the beloved occupies a cruel divine seat.
“Angry throne” invokes a god-lover archetype — merciless, withholding, yet powerful. The speaker seeks purification (“to wash me away to the gutters of your eternity”), but it’s a polluted baptism.
⚡ Climax: Cruelty and Kindness Entwined
Why is it cruel for you to be kind?
And let me have my victory over you?
Here, the paradox becomes clear: kindness feels cruel because it denies the intensity of suffering.
The speaker wants to be hurt — not because they love pain, but because it’s the only proof of mutual feeling. There’s also a craving for power inversion — “victory over you” — a desire to flip the dynamic of vulnerability.
🎠Tone & Aesthetic
The poem’s voice oscillates between prayer, hallucination, and confessional monologue.
Its diction is rich with religious imagery (prayer, throne, mercy) fused with decay and addiction (bleeding, pollution, gutters).
The emotional register is intimate yet performative, almost theatrical in its despair — similar to Rimbaud, Sylvia Plath, or Bataille in their raw, spiritualized suffering.
🧩 Core Themes
Cruelty & Kindness as Dual Forces — love and pain are inseparable; mercy becomes violence when it denies passion.
Addiction to Emotion — obsession replaces faith; misery becomes ritual.
The Body as Battlefield — language bruises, emotion bleeds; spiritual and physical pain merge.
Divine Sadomasochism — the beloved takes on a godlike cruelty; the speaker offers themselves as both devotee and victim.
Speech as Suffering — words don’t heal; they re-open wounds in the act of confession.
💀 Final Impression
“Is it cruel to be kind?” is a work of devotional nihilism — a prayer from someone who has lost faith in salvation but can’t stop worshipping.
It’s less about finding an answer than inhabiting the question — surrendering to the emotional paradox where cruelty is love’s final proof.
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Is it cruel to be kind? v1 lyrics
it was a beautiful addiction
when it began
at the eastern wall, I lied
with my spider monkeys
going on 300 weeks so far
accumulating new pollution on my side
bleeding excess black
words I find unnamed
meanings untagged, marked in red
phrases hit me; I’m bruised & blue
some tamed, just come along
walking the green
I’m so color-full.
=
misery awaits today like a good friend
rushing me into the mood
to filter my thoughts that
there is no such thing as the world
is enough, to have you is,
until I sleep....
=
what a lie
I’ll meet the creeper
wherever I may roam
on the flip side of the world
to give up the ghost,
for I’m not permitted to want
just accepting what was given
then I’ll be fine again
when I go with the flow down below
because I prayed that I wanted you to want me
beside you on an angry throne
to secure rain when I die
to wash me away
to the gutters of your eternity...
=
wishful thinking,
like my friend of misery
what a waste of me to be
misguided & sober
when all I just wanted is you
to break you
to have you
to have me as you weakness
& I’m failing,
what kind of mercy are you on?
Is it cruel for you to be kind?
Is it cruel to be kind elsee?
is it cruel to be kind?
=
feb 24 2023
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Music credit IMHO, THIS IS POWERFUL EMOTIONAL BEAT! ⚡ royalty free music no cost - trimmed
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