the Offering

The Offering Plea (new version)

listen on youtube or here

Laly, I just needed one more verse
1
I was a verse short when you left
You fell off this poem
Oblivious to the lines
The ticking of time
The misplaced stepping stones
Or deducing the crux of the rhymes
Leaving me unfinished
2
I, alone here, guarded the stanzas from smoke
Negative verses from ashes of time
On the ruins & landscapes of your reputation
I had it on the reserved loop mode
Clearing paths for memories to flow back & forth
That might lead you back when you picked another stream
3
Laly
I promised myself that, I will last forever with you
With a poem for those after us to remember
A definition of how to break a Soul
4
You offered to martyr me at the pinnacle of my devotion to you
To go out on top, To go out on top but I declined
I was a fertile crescent
I had more dedication
To pave a path to our now-ruined penthouse
To accommodate you one more night
5
I should've taken the offer but I was a fool
I should have known
I would've been done with
But I preferred to attend to you to rub & wash your feet
Chant to you verses something similar to godliness
As a sacrament ritual

It must have been tiring walking around my mind
Searching for secrets you've created
6
Now I grant myself immortality without you
Next to the poems I've wrote to be buried together
A testimony of my greed
A resurrected statue in Gardens of Stone

Even though you had fallen off my poems
Leaving the epitome unfinished
I could've propelled you into legacy
With one more verse
7
Now you have to start all over
From the bottom with someone else
And I, at the top lonely

An open end of a poem that will stay endless
As a wound till the end of time
Had you waited a little longer
It would've been up there
A chapter in the lord's Good book
Dedicated to you, my adore
Dedicated to you, my adore
had you waited a little longer
Laly, Laly I just needed one more verse
=
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March 26, 2026
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lyrics & vocals: azdi404
music credit: v2 painful by Exilian
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the Offering v1
listen on youtube or here

 

 the Offering v2 (Dark mode)

listen on youtube or here

 

 the Offering v2 (Light mode) 

 listen on youtube or here

 

Laly, I just needed one more verse

I was a verse short when you left

you fell off this poem

oblivious to the lines

the ticking of time

the misplaced stepping stones

or deducing the crux of the rhymes

leaving me unfinished.

I, alone here, guarded the stanzas from smoke,

negative verses from ashes of time

on the ruins & landscapes of your reputation,

I had it on the reserved loop mode

clearing paths for memories to flow back & forth

that might lead you back when you picked another stream

laly

I promised myself that, I will last forever with you

with a poem for those after us to remember

a definition of how to break a heart

you offered to martyr me at the pinnacle of my devotion to you,

to go out on top, but I declined,

I was a fertile crescent,

I had more dedication,

to pave a path to our now-ruined penthouse,

to accommodate you one more night.

I should've taken the offer but I was a fool

I should have known

I would've been done with,

but I preferred to attend to you to rub & wash your feet,

chant to you verses something similar to godliness

as a sacrament ritual

It must have been tiring walking around my mind

searching for secrets you've created.

now I grant myself immortality without you

next to the poems I've wrote to be buried together

a testimony of my greed

a resurrected statue in Gardens of Stone

Even though you had fallen off my poems

leaving the epitome unfinished

I could've propelled you into legacy

with one more verse,

now you have to start all over

from the bottom with someone else.

And I, at the top lonely

an open end of a poem that will stay endless

as a wound till the end of time

had you waited a little longer

it would've been up there

a chapter in the lord's Good book

dedicated to you, my adore.

=

=

Feb 18, 2023

====

lyrics & vocals: azdi404

music credit: commander by d-low

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  the Offering v1 lyrics

Laly, I just needed one more verse

I was a verse short when you left
you fell off this poem
oblivious to the lines
the ticking of time
the misplaced stepping stones
or deducing the crux of the rhymes
leaving me unfinished.

I, alone here, guarded the stanzas
from smoke, negative verses from ashes of time
on the ruins & landscapes of your reputation,
I had it on the reserved loop mode
clearing paths for memories
to flow back & forth
that might lead you back
when you picked another stream

laly
I promised myself that, I will last forever with you
with a poem for those after us to remember
a definition of how to break a heart

you offered to martyr me
at the pinnacle of my devotion to you,
to go out on top,
but I declined,
I was a fertile crescent,
I had more dedication,
to pave a path
to our now-ruined penthouse,
to accommodate you
one more night.

I should've taken the offer
but I was a fool
I should have known
I would've been done with,
but I preferred to attend to you
rub & wash your feet,
chant to you verses
something similar to godliness
as a sacrament ritual  

It must have been tiring
walking around my mind
searching for secrets you've created.

now I grant myself immortality
without you
next to the poems I've wrote
to be buried together
a testimony of my greed
a resurrected statue
in Gardens of Stone

Even though you had fallen off my poems
leaving the epitome unfinished
I could've propelled you into legacy
with one more verse,

now you have to start all over
from the bottom with someone else.
And I, at the top with no one

an open end of a poem that will stay unfinished
as a wound till the end of time
had you waited a little longer
it would've been up there
a chapter in the lord's Good book
dedicated to you, my love.
=

Feb 18, 2023
====
lyrics & vocals: azdi404
music credit: Remembrance by Balmorhea    @BalmorheaMusic 

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“The Offering” is an elegiac and self-reflective poem — a work of both mourning and mythmaking. It continues the thematic lineage established in “Kissing a Saint” and “Laly’s Birthday”, transforming the personal loss of Laly into a spiritual, artistic, and existential drama.

Here, the poet is no longer writing to Laly as a living beloved, but about her absence — about the rupture she has left in the creative and emotional order of his world. The act of writing becomes a ritual of grief and sanctification. In essence, this is a poem about what happens when love ends but art must continue.

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I. Central Themes

1. Incompletion and Abandonment

The opening lines frame the poem as an unfinished work, a fragment left hanging because of Laly’s departure:

“I was a verse short when you left / You fell off this poem.”

This metaphor operates on two levels:

• On the literal level, it’s about the creative interruption — the muse has vanished, leaving the poet’s verse incomplete.

• On the emotional level, it’s a lament for abandonment: love, like poetry, has lost its closure.

The language of “falling off this poem” transforms Laly into both subject and co-author. She was once part of the poet’s linguistic world — a living word — and now her absence has broken its structure. The poet’s voice remains, but the music is fractured.

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2. Love as Sacrifice and Devotion

The title, “The Offering,” invokes the imagery of religious sacrifice — a giving up of the self to something sacred. The speaker portrays himself as both priest and penitent, performing ritualistic acts of devotion:

“I preferred to attend to you to rub & wash your feet / Chant to you verses something similar to godliness / As a sacrament ritual.”

The washing of feet — a clear biblical allusion to humility and service — positions Laly as a Christ-like or divine figure, while the speaker assumes the role of the faithful servant or disciple. This inversion of human love into worship mirrors the mystical eroticism of “Kissing a Saint”, where desire itself becomes a form of prayer.

Yet there’s also tragic irony: the act of offering himself becomes self-erasure. His devotion sanctifies her but diminishes him, leaving him “at the top lonely.”

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3. Memory, Art, and Immortality

The poem’s most profound gesture is its meditation on art as resurrection — the attempt to preserve love through verse.

“Now I grant myself immortality without you / Next to the poems I’ve wrote to be buried together / A testimony of my greed.”

This is a self-aware and almost meta-poetic moment. The poet recognizes that his immortality — his survival beyond the relationship — comes through the very act of writing about it. The “poems” become his mausoleum, his afterlife. Yet he also calls this “greed” — acknowledging that even in art, there is ego, possessiveness, and the desire to control memory.

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4. Ruins, Stones, and Legacy

The closing imagery — “Gardens of Stone,” “ruined penthouse,” “the epitome unfinished” — evokes a landscape of decay and endurance. The poet’s love has become a ruin, but one that persists as art:

“A resurrected statue in Gardens of Stone.”

The stone symbolizes both petrification (the emotional paralysis after loss) and preservation (art’s power to endure). In this duality lies the poem’s tragic beauty: the poet achieves permanence only by fossilizing his passion.

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II. Imagery and Symbolism

Symbol	Meaning / Function
Verse / Poem	Represents the shared creation between lovers; the “unwritten verse” becomes a metaphor for what could have been.
Smoke / Ashes / Ruins	Emblems of destruction, memory, and the aftermath of passion — the residue of what was once alive.
Feet Washing / Sacrament	Religious imagery suggesting humility, worship, and purification — the lover as both devotee and offering.
Fertile Crescent	Symbol of origin and creation — perhaps an allusion to the birthplace of civilization, positioning love as a generative act.
Gardens of Stone	A haunting oxymoron: vitality (“garden”) meets death (“stone”), representing memory made permanent through art.

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III. Tone and Voice

The tone of “The Offering” is solemn, devotional, and self-reproachful. The speaker oscillates between reverence for Laly and guilt over his own hubris:

“I should’ve taken the offer but I was a fool.”

There’s a confessional cadence here, as if the poem itself functions as penance. The speaker’s diction — “martyr,” “sacrament,” “immortality,” “Good book” — gives the work the resonance of a religious lament or epistle of loss, situating love within cosmic and moral dimensions.

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IV. Structural Observations

• Free verse form: The absence of rhyme mirrors the theme of incompletion — a poem “fallen off its lines.”

• Enjambment: The flow of thought is fluid and restless, reflecting both memory’s continuity and grief’s refusal to end.

• Invocation of Laly: Her name punctuates the poem like a litany, an invocation in a ritual — “Laly, I promised myself…” / “Laly, I just needed one more verse.”

Each mention of her name revives her presence momentarily, only for the stanza to collapse again into absence.

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V. Interpretation

At its heart, “The Offering” is a meta-poem about the cost of devotion — what happens when love becomes both a source of inspiration and a wound that never heals.

The poet’s tragedy is twofold:

1. He worshiped too much — turning love into religion.

2. He wrote too much — turning emotion into monument.

By the end, he acknowledges that the poem itself will never be complete, mirroring his endless grief:

“An open end of a poem that will stay endless / As a wound till the end of time.”

This haunting conclusion suggests that incompleteness is its own immortality — that some poems, and some loves, must remain unfinished to remain eternal.

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VI. Comparative Context

When viewed alongside “Kissing a Saint” and “Laly’s Birthday,” “The Offering” reads like the final act of a poetic trilogy.

• In “Kissing a Saint,” Laly is divine and present — an object of awe.

• In “Laly’s Birthday,” she is distant but living, an absence commemorated through ritual memory.

• In “The Offering,” she is gone entirely, her presence replaced by artistic myth — the poet writing to keep her alive in language.

Across the three, we witness the progression from adoration → separation → elegy. Together, they chart the evolution of a soul that finds transcendence not in love itself, but in the act of writing about love’s loss.

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VII. Conclusion

“Had you waited a little longer / It would've been up there / A chapter in the lord's Good book / Dedicated to you, my adore.”

This final invocation elevates Laly to near-biblical stature, suggesting that she could have become part of divine scripture — a love immortalized in the “Good Book.” Yet because she left, that apotheosis remains unwritten.

In the end, the offering is both poem and poet — he sacrifices himself to memory, leaving behind the eternal fragment: a love unfinished, but unforgettable.

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Would you like me to create a comparative literary essay connecting all three poems (“Kissing a Saint,” “Laly’s Birthday,” and “The Offering”) as a unified poetic sequence — tracing how Laly evolves from muse to memory to myth? It would frame the trilogy as a cohesive narrative of devotion, loss, and artistic resurrection.