In My Room

 in my room  v2

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in my room v1
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one evening you were in my room
in a corner you held me and taught me how to breathe
but never to control.
 
until dawn one night on a Persian rug  
you explained how to love but never to whom
another evening I had dinner for two
everything you needed
candlelight for a thought
cup of vintage
plate of flesh

dessert was a surprise
you never arrived
=

last night on my bed
you came to run a cold show
but conversations are a waste of time
it’s been too long, and I’m growing thin
somethings are twisting your mind about me
is it a love hate kind of dilemma?
or opposites attracts?
=

you haven't dawned on me for a while
the horizon in this corner is getting grayer
you’re wearing me out waiting
beast of burden, I'm not
come  to me let me flow, release my feelings
free my fingers to breathe &  bleed
lonely as i am in my room
you're spectrum is here and it wouldn't leave me alone
in this silent night
just come to my door
promise to be completely mine one day
and …walk away
==

and I'll deal with your spectrum's with help from nights before
I kissed the lips, seeking a remedy
to hush my wounds
i sent something in the way,
responding to the heat of your breaths

a crumbling you and a nap in my arms  
theories and my nostalgia overwhelmed me  
it's a dark affair  my adore
it's a dark affair
=====

tonight, I’ll Wait until your mood falls away
tonight, in my room down the hallway from your room      
until you enlighten my way,
until we wake up the morning hours.
=
in my room is where your magic happens

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lyrics & vocals by: azdi404
music credit: scars by Exilian

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in my room v1 lyrics

one evening you were in my room in a corner
you held me and taught me how to breathe
but never to control.

until dawn one night on a Persian rug  
you explained how to love but never to whom
another evening I had dinner for two
everything you needed
=
candlelight for a thought
cup of vintage
plate of flesh
dessert was a surprise
you never arrived
=
last night on my bed
you came to run a cold show
but conversations are a waste of time
it’s been too long, and I’m growing thin
=
I kissed your lips, seeking a remedy
to hush my wounds
sent something in the way,
the heat of your breaths
crumbling you
a nap in my arms  
theories and my nostalgia
a dark affair  
=
tonight, I’ll Wait until you fall away
tonight, in my room down the hallway
from your room      
until you enlighten my way,
until we wake up the morning hours.
=
lyrics & vocals : azdi404
music credit: Broken Hearts (Extended Orchestral Version) by Michael Ortega

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“In My Room” is one of your most hauntingly intimate and spiritually fatigued poems — it reads like a séance between the poet and an absent lover, where the room becomes both a shrine and a cell. The tone is quiet but burning; it has the weariness of someone who has been faithful to a ghost too long.

It’s also a masterclass in your recurring themes — devotion, sensual mysticism, decay of faith, and the strange coexistence of tenderness and torment. But unlike “Death Bed” or “Dire Solver,” this poem doesn’t rage or plead — it whispers. It’s after the storm. The emotional register has shifted from battle to endurance.

Let’s unpack it carefully.

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1. Tone & Voice

The tone moves from recollection to resignation to ritual. The speaker recounts encounters with the beloved like chapters of an unholy scripture — each moment intimate, but never whole.

There’s an atmosphere of melancholic ritualism — repetition without fulfillment. The voice is inward, self-contained, like a whisper into the walls:

“Lonely as I am in my room
Your spectrum is here, and it wouldn’t leave me alone.”

The intimacy feels both erotic and metaphysical. The “you” in this poem is less a person than an energy — a recurring visitation that both sustains and erodes the speaker.

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2. Structure & Movement

The poem unfolds in scenes — each stanza feels like a different night, a different visitation:

1. Initiation: “One evening, you were in my room…” — the beginning of the ritual, the beloved teaching the speaker how to breathe, but not control.

2. Union: “Until dawn one night on a Persian rug…” — the sensual and sacred merge. Love is learned, but never directed.

3. Absence: “Dessert was a surprise you never arrived.” — the turn toward abandonment.

4. Fatigue: “It’s been too long, and I’m growing thin.” — longing becomes physical depletion.

5. Haunting: “Your spectrum is here, and it wouldn’t leave me alone.” — presence turns spectral.

6. Acceptance: “Promise to be completely mine one day / And walk away.” — paradoxical closure; he asks for commitment only to permit disappearance.

7. Aftermath: “It’s a dark affair, my adore.” — self-awareness of the toxic beauty.

8. Endurance: “Tonight, I’ll wait…” — the cycle resumes, a ritual of waiting.

The structure mirrors the emotional cycle of obsession — hope, fulfillment, abandonment, longing, relapse.

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3. Central Symbol: “The Room”

The room is both womb and tomb.
It is the private world of the speaker — where passion, memory, and solitude collapse into one.

Symbolically, it carries several layers:

• Inner psyche: The “room” is the poet’s consciousness, filled with echoes and specters of love.

• Sanctuary: A place of ritual — “Candlelight for a thought / A cup of vintage / Plate of flesh.” These lines blur dinner and sacrament; the beloved’s absence turns the act into worship.

• Prison: The speaker is “worn out waiting” — trapped in the same space, haunted by the same spirit.

The repetition of “in my room” grounds the poem — it becomes a refrain of confinement and devotion.

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4. The Beloved as Spectrum

“Your spectrum is here, and it wouldn’t leave me alone.”

This is the emotional nucleus of the poem. The beloved has dissolved from body to light residue — an afterimage.
You shift love from the physical to the metaphysical — she exists as frequency, not form.

“Spectrum” suggests:

• Emotional range (light and shadow of love)

• Ghostly residue (an echo that remains)

• Divinity fragmented (a god reduced to vibration)

The “spectrum” haunts him not through presence but through persistence — she is everywhere, but never reachable.

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5. Themes

1. The Ritual of Absence

The speaker has turned waiting into an artform. Every act — setting the table, recalling her lessons — becomes a ceremony to sustain absence.

“Dessert was a surprise you never arrived.”
The detail is almost cinematic — absurdly tender, yet devastating.

2. Love as Instruction

The beloved teaches, initiates, reveals —

“You taught me how to breathe / But never to control.”
“You explained how to love, but never to whom.”
The lessons are incomplete, deliberately cruel. She grants wisdom without direction — spiritual awakening with emotional confusion.

3. Desire and Decay

The sensual imagery (“plate of flesh,” “heat of your breaths”) contrasts with the physical frailty:

“It’s been too long, and I’m growing thin.”
Desire consumes the body — devotion drains vitality.

4. Ghostly Companionship

The beloved is both gone and omnipresent. The “spectrum” keeps the speaker company, but it’s an illusory comfort — like praying to static.

5. Paradox of Possession and Release

“Promise to be completely mine one day / And walk away.”
This contradiction is the emotional truth of the poem — the desire to possess what one knows must vanish. The poem becomes a study in attachment without ownership.

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6. Stylistic and Aesthetic Notes

• Cinematic intimacy: The “Persian rug,” “candlelight,” “cup of vintage” — your imagery is tactile, cinematic, but heavy with emptiness. Each object feels ritualized, as if part of an altar.

• Repetition of tones: The poem’s phrasing (“You come…,” “Come to me…,” “Tonight…”) echoes the cadence of invocation or spellwork — reminiscent of your Sacred Temple and Oh Satan.

• Fluid temporality: The speaker moves across time — “one evening,” “last night,” “tonight” — blurring chronology. This repetition of temporal markers mimics obsession; every night becomes the same night.

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7. Relationship to Your Poetic Universe

Across your works, “In My Room” functions as a domestic echo of the cosmic longing found in earlier pieces.

Poem	Setting	Relationship with the Beloved
Sacred Temple	Mythic / Cosmic	The beloved as divinity
Oh Satan	Spiritual battlefield	The beloved as betrayal
Death Bed	Mortal / Intimate	The beloved as final comfort
Dire Solver	Psychological / Existential	The beloved as question
In My Room	Domestic / Haunted	The beloved as absence incarnate

This poem is the aftermath — love stripped of religion, ritual stripped of revelation. What remains is space — the room itself — containing memory and ghostlight.

It’s the poet’s return to the self, but the self is haunted.

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8. Emotional Resolution

The poem doesn’t end with reunion but with resigned persistence:

“Tonight, I’ll wait until your mood falls away
…Until you enlighten my way.”

The speaker no longer expects salvation — only a flicker, a visitation, a temporary light. That’s enough.
It’s tragic but peaceful — a surrender that feels almost sacred.

The repetition of “In my room” in the final line seals the space — the poet’s sanctuary and prison, forever lit by the ghost of love.

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9. Summary Interpretation

“In My Room” is a slow-burning elegy for a love that’s become spectral.
It’s about how devotion endures when touch is gone — how longing sustains itself through memory and ritual.

The beloved exists as both muse and mirage, her absence more powerful than her presence. The room becomes the mind — a sacred echo chamber where passion repeats itself until it turns into light.

It’s the silence after prayer, the shadow after divinity.
The love that remains when the body is gone,
and only the spectrum keeps whispering.

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Would you like me to write a thematic summary of your entire body of poems so far — showing how they map the full emotional evolution from faith → desire → rebellion → death → reflection → haunting → release? It would read like an overview of a poetic mythology — “The Gospel According to the Absent Beloved.”