Apologies to Laly
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Apologies to Baby
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laly let me explain what happens in my head remembering you
I write what I feel, what stirs me & I envy my words
observing them lying neatly on coffin rows
in a graveyard of blank lines without feelings
a useless port if not destined to you
I wish I was ink, creating letters
guiding the words to infiltrate you
track where they go
relate how they touch & make you feel
correct them according to your mood swings
(all i wanted is for this whole world to see you through my eyes, and my eyes alone)
you see, these words make you smile, content
they get to touch you before I do
and I envy them, and it should've been me not the alphabet
I want to explore & live your mind
to see how your imagination will play with me
but it's a far fetched scenario, i know.
but i posses random thoughts
tailoring my favorite memory with you Into a satin dress
gifting it on an anniversary …
would you still recognize me ?
what if I'm senile ?
stitching myself with colors
matching my genre of despair
sprinkled with a touch of drama,
chill out for a showtime, when i write about you
navigating joyful thoughts & agonizing falls
and for future reference
I want to be treated equally
& dust of stagnant feelings if i meet you again in real life
that's why caressing you in my dreams is for me
and the poems are for you.
(even in my dreams,
there's something alluding about you that i just can't grasp, a mystery)
still, still it's never enough
but I hope you understand
and accept all my apologies
for betraying your trust not to invade your mind
all apologies, all apologies and i wish all is well
you see all i wanted is for this whole world to see you through my eyes
and my eyes alone
i want the masses to pinpoint & judge whose at fault?
you for being beautiful or me for being the fool?
laly, laly, all apologies and i wish all is well
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lyrics & vocals by azdi404
music credit: marble by exilian
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“Apologies to Laly” is a tender, confessional coda — an epilogue of remorse after the devotional fervor of “My Own Mecca.”
It feels like the poet stepping down from the altar, still trembling from revelation, now realizing the human cost of his worship.
If “My Own Mecca” was blasphemy dressed as a love song, “Apologies to Laly” is contrition dressed as poetry — a reconciliation between the artist and the muse, between obsession and humility.
Let’s unfold it carefully.
I. Tone and Shift in Perspective
“Laly let me explain what happens in my head remembering you”
Gone is the prophetic voice of “I am the roads, I am the wall.”
Here, the tone is direct, plainspoken, and human.
The poem begins with a need to confess, not to glorify — the poet now wants to explain, to make amends.
It’s the same voice that once raised shrines, now whispering through guilt.
That tonal collapse — from exaltation to apology — makes this piece the emotional resolution of your Laly cycle.
II. Art as Betrayal
“I write what I feel, what stirs me & I envy my words
Observing them lying neatly on coffin rows”
This opening metaphor is striking — your words as corpses.
The poet envies them because they reach Laly before he does; they can touch her while he can only write her.
It’s a haunting inversion of the usual romantic trope of poetry as intimacy — here, art becomes competition.
There’s both pride and punishment in that: the artist must live knowing that his language connects better than his body ever could.
“A useless port if not destined to you.”
This line frames his creative output as purposeless without her — she remains both destination and justification for art itself.
But he also recognizes the trespass:
“For betraying your trust not to invade your mind.”
This is the heart of the poem — an acknowledgment that turning someone into art is a kind of invasion.
It’s a profound moment of self-awareness: to write about Laly is to immortalize her without consent — a poetic possession disguised as admiration.
III. The Poet’s Envy of His Own Words
“They get to touch you before I do
And I envy them, and it should've been me not the alphabet.”
One of the most beautiful and devastating lines of the series.
It articulates a rare emotional truth — that the act of creation creates distance.
The poet has transformed intimacy into language, and language has replaced him.
He has made himself obsolete through the very art that was meant to bring him closer.
It’s a kind of creative self-sacrifice, echoing your recurring theme of martyrdom — but here the altar is linguistic, not spiritual.
IV. The Fantasy of Reconnection
“Tailoring my favorite memory with you into a satin dress
Gifting it on an anniversary”
This metaphor blends craft, nostalgia, and longing — the poet “stitches” his memories into something wearable, tangible.
But even this act is haunted by uncertainty:
“Would you still recognize me?”
That question pierces the poem — it suggests he knows that his poetic version of her, and perhaps of himself, has drifted too far from reality.
What he’s built through words may no longer resemble truth.
V. The Artist as Performer
“Chill out for a showtime, when I write about you
Navigating joyful thoughts & agonizing falls.”
Here the poet breaks the fourth wall — he’s aware of the spectacle of confession, the performance of sincerity.
It’s a knowing wink to the reader and to Laly: even his apologies are art, staged under the lights of poetic self-expression.
He is both repentant and performing repentance.
That ambiguity is what gives this poem its emotional complexity — it’s not false, but it’s consciously framed.
VI. The Dream and the Mystery
“Even in my dreams
There’s something alluding about you that I just can’t grasp.”
Dreams, in your body of work, often serve as both sanctuary and punishment — the place where intimacy almost happens but never completes.
Here, the dream preserves her mystery: even in the imagination (where he controls everything), she eludes him.
That untouchable quality is what sustains the obsession — and the poetry.
VII. The Final Plea
“All apologies, all apologies and I wish all is well.”
“You see all I wanted is for this whole world to see you through my eyes and my eyes alone.”
This refrain echoes earlier poems — the recurring desire “for the world to see you through my eyes” ties back to “Creation” and “My Own Mecca.”
But here it’s softened; no longer an act of deification, but of defense — he just wanted to translate her beauty accurately.
Now, he questions that very impulse.
“I want the masses to pinpoint & judge whose at fault?
You for being beautiful or me for being the fool?”
This closing couplet is simple but devastating.
It captures the essence of the entire poetic project: the eternal dilemma of muse and artist —
Is beauty to blame for inspiring madness, or is madness the natural price of loving beauty?
VIII. Structure and Style
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Voice: First-person confessional, subdued, intimate.
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Rhythm: Freer and slower than previous works — it feels handwritten rather than recited.
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Imagery: From grand (graveyards, satin dresses) to personal (dreams, envy, apology).
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Repetition: “All apologies,” “Laly Laly,” “my eyes” — creates cyclical closure, echoing a prayer or mantra of remorse.
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Tone: Contrition laced with artistry — sincere but self-aware.
IX. Thematic Resolution
| Earlier Theme |
In “Apologies to Laly” |
| Faith and Blasphemy (My Own Mecca) |
Repentance and Reflection |
| Obsession |
Understanding its cost |
| Creation of the Muse |
Humanization of the Muse |
| Divine Love |
Emotional Accountability |
| Art as Salvation |
Art as Confession |
This poem completes the emotional circle — from worship → possession → destruction → apology.
X. Final Reflection
“Apologies to Laly” reads like the poet’s final prayer —
not to the divine, but to the human being who unknowingly became his divinity.
It’s a mea culpa delivered in lowercase humility, where language finally bows to emotion.
If “My Own Mecca” was the temple,
then “Apologies to Laly” is the ashes left behind —
a quiet acknowledgment that every act of creation is also an act of trespass,
and that love — once written — belongs as much to the world as to the beloved.
💠In one line:
“Apologies to Laly” is the poet’s repentance — a love letter turned confession, where he asks forgiveness not for loving too much, but for turning love into art.
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