the missing 404 files of my life: (or check side bar for tracks quick access by album)

I was a Boy

 i was a boy listen on youtube or here I exiled myself from the outside into the void  Not to run away but to find myself  I thought & believed what I observed to be the difference there had been signs of crumblings & decay = I need to rebuild myself  To know me before I introduce myself to others In this strange atmosphere I realized that  I've discovered an ancient pulse  it’s found in every reciprocation  with born whispers from breathing souls  = reaching into every mind through grievances laid on walls    tagging through skin for best results via gentle touch and through these we find the divine that lifts us up And being alone I had only one place to search ,  further inward, down in the sub basement of my core  i needed a reflection of me to see me in the third person Am I searching for the divinity of god or the divinity from within?  it started when I was a boy and she was nothing in the void I was a boy a...

Kissing a Saint

 Kissing a Saint v2

listen on youtube or here 

Kissing a Saint v1
listen on youtube or here

come from afar

come in slow motion

let's build up the momentum

all my anguishes are here,

ready to trickle into you

because i'm about to kiss

i'm kissing a saint

so banish the innocent ones

purify the dirty, make it clear

I'm no longer your friend

you took too long to break the mold

I could've helped you to have me

I wanted you before I even knew it

So take a deep breath,

grant the air around me room to breathe,

so I can send you what does not ache

the flavors of life is what you make of it

where would you have me now?

What would you do?

sweeten the saltiness off my lips

tip the scale of destiny, any which way

just don't let me know why

and I'll chalk it up to a slip of life

god created life

you create the moments we measure,

making us humans ,

so eradicate the mundane past,

no longer do I need redemption,

just some part of you to numb this stigma

of living without a sanctuary

so let me send my message clear

being a sinner and a dreamer and a redeemer

come with your sweet mouth

come in a forgiving mode

come with a healing dose


come with a priceless kiss

that's the closest to kissing a saint

cherishing every moment; that's not enough, and nothing is

until you anoint me a life by your side or to be a martyr beneath your feet

locate my lost smile,

it was abducted from me a while ago,

you can find it easily now,

it's lying somewhere, bright and satisfied;

it feels me somehow

tell it that I've found you and that I've kissed a saint

i kissed a saint


then come back with your sweet mouth

come from afar

i never was your friend

come in slow motion

come with your sweet mouth

because i'm kissing a saint

i never was your friend

come with your sweet mouth baby laly

come with your beautiful face

i never was your friend

come with your flowing hair baby laly

i never was your friend

I'm stepping over the line and i dared to kiss a saint 

 

I'm kissing a saint in my dreams

I'm kissing you baby laly

I'm kissing a saint

come from afar

come in slow motion

all my anguishes are here,

ready to trickle into you because

because I'm about to kiss

I'm kissing a saint

I'm kissing you baby laly

in my dreams

I'm kissing a saint

====

Jan 04, 2023

====

lyrics & vocals: azdi404

music credit: cyborg by Exilian

====

============================================================ ============================================================

Kissing a Saint v1 lyrics



come from afar
come in slow motion
build up the momentum

all my anguishes are here,
ready to trickle into you

so banish the innocent ones
purify the dirty
make it clear
I'm no longer your friend

you took too long to break the mold
I could've helped
I wanted you before I even knew it

So take a deep breath,
grant the air around me room to breathe,
so I can send you what does not ache

the flavors of life is what you make of it
where would you have me now?
What would you do?

sweeten the saltiness off my lips
tip the scale of destiny, any which way
just don't let me know why
I'll chalk it up to a slip of life

god created life
you create the moments we measure,
making us humans ,

eradicate the mundane past,
no longer do I need redemption,

just some part of you to numb this stigma
of living without a sanctuary

so let me send my message clear
being a sinner and a dreamer and a redeemer

come with your sweet mouth
come in a forgiving mode
come with a healing dose
a priceless kiss
that's the closest to kissing a saint

cherishing every moment; that's not enough, and nothing is
until you anoint me a life by your side or a martyr beneath your feet

locate my lost smile,
it was abducted from me a while ago,
you can find it easily now,
it's lying somewhere, bright and satisfied; it feels me somehow
tell it that I've found you and that I've kissed a saint
i kissed a saint

then come back with your sweet mouth
come from afar
i never was your friend
come in slow motion
come with your sweet mouth
because I'm kissing a saint
i never was your friend
come with your sweet mouth laly
come with your sweet mouth laly
i never was your friend
=

====
Jan 04, 2023
====
lyrics & vocals: azdi404
music credit: silent hill 3 - please love me once more - Akira Yamaoka - (s l o w e d + r e v e r b)
============================

This poem, “Kissing a Saint,” unfolds as a lyrical meditation on the tension between earthly desire and spiritual transcendence. It operates on the border between the sacred and the sensual, exploring the paradox of finding holiness through passion and redemption through sin. Its tone is devotional yet confessional, blending religious imagery with emotional vulnerability.

Let’s examine it through several key dimensions: themes, structure, imagery, tone, and meaning.


I. Central Themes

1. The Sacred and the Profane

The dominant motif is the fusion of divinity and desire. The title itself, “Kissing a Saint,” embodies contradiction — the intimacy of a kiss paired with the purity of sainthood. The speaker’s act of kissing becomes a symbol of spiritual communion, but also a transgression, as though the divine has been brought down to human flesh.

“Come with your sweet mouth / Come in a forgiving mode / Come with a healing dose.”

Here, the language of sensual invitation mirrors that of religious supplication. The “saint” is both lover and savior — the object of both erotic and spiritual longing. The kiss, therefore, is not merely a romantic gesture, but an act of worship.

This interplay evokes the mystical writings of St. John of the Cross and Teresa of Ávila, whose ecstatic experiences of divine love often blurred into sensual imagery. It also echoes Romantic-era poets like William Blake, who viewed physical passion as a pathway to spiritual enlightenment.


2. Redemption, Sin, and Transformation

Throughout the poem, the speaker undergoes an internal struggle between sin and sanctity, guilt and redemption.

“Eradicate the mundane past / No longer do I need redemption.”

This line marks a transformation — the speaker rejects traditional notions of repentance, implying that redemption can be achieved through love itself. The lover’s touch becomes a form of absolution.

The speaker is both “sinner and dreamer and redeemer” — a trinity of roles suggesting that human experience, though flawed, can mirror divine creation. This self-awareness turns love into a sacred act of transformation.


3. Longing and Transcendence

Repetition of the refrain “Come from afar / Come in slow motion” establishes a sense of yearning and anticipation. The slow pace implies a ritualistic preparation for union — not just physical but spiritual. The beloved’s approach from “afar” evokes both geographical and metaphysical distance: perhaps the lover is distant in space, or perhaps they represent an unattainable ideal.

The poem’s conclusion — “I’m kissing you, baby Laly / In my dreams / I’m kissing a saint” — suggests that the union remains unrealized, attainable only in dreams. The divine encounter exists within imagination, not reality, reinforcing the melancholy of unattainable perfection.


II. Imagery and Symbolism

1. Religious Imagery

  • Saint / Anoint / Martyr / Redeemer / Sanctuary / Redemption — these terms establish a liturgical vocabulary. The speaker’s love takes on the gravity of a religious ritual, as if every touch is an act of faith.

  • “Anoint me a life by your side / Or to be a martyr beneath your feet” — the speaker offers both devotion and submission, mirroring the surrender of the soul to the divine.

2. Bodily Imagery

  • “Sweet mouth,” “saltiness off my lips,” “flowing hair” — these evoke sensual immediacy, grounding the spiritual longing in human flesh.

  • The interplay between taste (“sweet,” “saltiness”) and touch (the kiss) transforms the sensory into the sacred, recalling the Christian idea of incarnation — divinity made flesh.

3. Duality of Light and Distance

The poem frequently references distance (“Come from afar”) and illumination (“bright and satisfied”) — visual metaphors for enlightenment and divine revelation. The “lost smile” that is “lying somewhere, bright and satisfied” represents the return of joy and spiritual wholeness through the beloved’s grace.


III. Tone and Voice

The speaker’s tone shifts between pleading and reverent, intimate and exalted. There is a confessional honesty reminiscent of modernist love poetry, particularly Rainer Maria Rilke, where love is a vehicle for self-revelation.

The repetition of phrases like “Come with your sweet mouth” creates a hypnotic rhythm, akin to a chant or prayer, emphasizing devotion through repetition.

The voice is caught between two registers: the sacred (worship, surrender, purity) and the sensual (longing, touch, desire). This duality gives the poem its emotional power.


IV. Structure and Musicality

The poem reads almost as a lyrical incantation, with recurring motifs (“Come,” “saint,” “friend,” “dreams”) acting as refrains. This cyclical rhythm mirrors the nature of desire itself — recurring, unresolved, eternal.

The use of enjambment (“Because I’m about to kiss / I’m kissing a saint”) sustains momentum, pulling the reader through moments of hesitation and release — structurally echoing the act of yearning.


V. Interpretation and Meaning

In essence, “Kissing a Saint” dramatizes the human longing to touch the divine through love. The beloved — “baby Laly” — may represent a real person, an idealized muse, or a symbolic embodiment of spiritual perfection.

The act of kissing becomes an allegory for the moment when human emotion transcends itself — when physical intimacy becomes a doorway to the sacred. Yet, the refrain “I never was your friend” introduces an undercurrent of guilt or distance, suggesting that the relationship defies ordinary human boundaries. It is too sacred, too forbidden, or perhaps entirely imagined.

By the poem’s end, the kiss remains a dream — a union never fully realized in life but eternally alive in desire. The speaker’s fulfillment exists not in possession, but in the act of longing itself, which becomes a form of prayer.


VI. Concluding Analysis

“Kissing a Saint” is a modern mystical love poem, blending spiritual yearning with erotic imagery. It captures the timeless struggle between body and soul — the desire to experience divine love through human connection.

It stands as a meditation on how intimacy can sanctify, how desire can redeem, and how the act of reaching toward the unattainable — whether lover or saint — defines the essence of being human.


Would you like me to provide a line-by-line annotation next — explaining specific metaphors, symbols, and tonal shifts in each stanza? That would give a more granular academic reading of the poem.

 

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