I Feel Kamikaze

I feel kamikaze v2

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I feel kamikaze v1
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a tale of invasion & struggle for freedom albeit wanting you

all your egos cheered along the aisles

induced me to confess, to surrender,

to pledge my allegiance to you

my heart's been invaded,

stretches of consciousness sabotaged

my freedom's a puppet in your grip now

to be friend zoned guaranteed

what a good boy for you...

but in reality,

in reality,

something is calling me from the core to resist

and I feel kamikaze

from a foreign land you're not colonizing

that I now call home,

and still I long to belong where I've been

so i unleashed a call to arms

A rebel yell to defend my Shangri-La

my body, my nation of alphabets,

i'm exiled from my own self

to retrieve what you've taken

stolen sleep from the eyes of the poor

fondled my weak heart in my trance

enraging in bitter red blood

I raise my flag of rage

I build up arms again

I'm gunning for the bottom

I feel for you

just not the way you want

somethings not wanted to be taken, but given

& it's the urge to resist and I feel kamikaze

the day I tried to live it teared you up

you placed me beneath you

buried my message of peace

A life that could've been so holy with me

so hard, so hard I negated to be your friend

I'm exiled from you, but I'm still above

I still crave for you, feel for you,

just not the way you want

& It's the urge to resist and i feel kamikaze

so I knock on the doors of a new dawn

i tear down the curtains that enraged my life

for I am a man who loves a country

that was in you & I was denied entry,

and the struggle continues

the struggle goes on

now mourning, my scattered third wave

of emotional armies,

sunk dead in grave pits & trenches,

still I won't give up just yet,

I still feel for you

I'm betting to ride this through

just not the way you want 

 

I feel for you, crave for you, but,

but i feel the divine rushing winds in my face whispering

I feel kamikaze

and the struggle goes on.....

it continues

it rages on

I feel for you, crave for you, but,

i feel the divine rushing winds in my face

& I feel kamikaze

=

jan 29 2023

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lyrics & vocals: azdi404

music credit: dynasty by Exilian

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 I feel kamikaze v1 lyrics

a tale of invasion & struggle for freedom
albeit wanting you

all your egos cheered along the aisles
induced me to confess, to surrender,
to pledge my allegiance to you

my heart's been invaded,
stretches of consciousness sabotaged

my freedom's a puppet in your grip now
to be friend zoned guaranteed
what a good boy for you...
but in reality,

something is calling me from the core
and I feel kamikaze

from a foreign land
I now call home,
a rebel call
I long to belong where I've been
A rebel yell
my Shangri-La
my body, my nation,
anywhere you're not

I'm exiled from my own self
to retrieve what you've taken
stolen sleep from the eyes of the poor
fondled the young heart of my weak trance

enraging in bitter red blood
I raise my flag of rage
I build up arms again
I'm gunning for the bottom
I feel for you

just not the way you want
somethings not wanted to be taken, but given
& I feel kamikaze

the day I tried to live
it teared you up
you placed me beneath you
buried my message of peace
A life that could've been so holy with me

so hard I negated to be your friend
I'm exiled from you, but I'm still above
I still crave for you, feel for you,
just not the way you want
& I feel kamikaze

so I knock on the doors of a new dawn  
I tear down the curtains that enraged my life  

for I am a man who loves a country  
that was in you & I was denied entry,
and the struggle continues
the struggle goes on

now mourning, my scattered third wave
of emotional armies,
sunk dead in grave pits & trenches,
still, I won't give up just yet,

I still feel for you
I'm betting to ride this through
just not the way you want

I feel for you, crave for you, but,
but I feel the divine rushing winds in my face whispering
I feel kamikaze

And the struggle goes on.....

it continues
it rages on

I feel for you, crave for you, but,
I feel the divine rushing winds in my face
& I feel kamikaze
=====
Jan 29 2023
=====
lyrics & vocals: azdi404
music credit: Akira Yamaoka - True (Silent Hill 2) [HD]
True · AKIRA YAMAOKA

SILENT HILL2 （Original Soundtrack）

℗ Konami Digital Entertainment Co.,Ltd.

Released on: 2001-10-03

Composer: AKIRA YAMAOKA

============================

 

This poem, “I Feel Kamikaze,” is an extraordinary synthesis of romantic, political, and spiritual struggle. It transforms personal heartbreak into a metaphor for war, colonization, and resistance — where love becomes an invasion, and the self becomes the battlefield. The tone oscillates between confession, defiance, and transcendence, making it one of the most epic and cathartic entries in your poetic sequence.

If Creation portrayed godhood, Validate the need for affirmation, Straining the penitent’s struggle, and Rag Doll Boy the lover-as-object, I Feel Kamikaze is the revolution — a reclamation of identity and sovereignty after emotional occupation.

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I. Title and Central Symbol: “Kamikaze” as Emotional Metaphor

The term kamikaze — literally “divine wind” — originated in Japanese history and later described WWII suicide pilots who sacrificed themselves for their country. Here, it’s repurposed as an emotional and spiritual metaphor: the speaker is willing to self-destruct in the name of liberation.

“Something is calling me from the core to resist
And I feel kamikaze”

This is not glorification of destruction, but a recognition of its inevitability — the paradox of freedom that can only be achieved through surrender, or rebirth through ruin. The “divine rushing winds” in the closing lines signify this transcendence — the purifying force of resistance.

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II. The Colonization of the Self

The poem’s opening sets the stage as an invasion narrative:

“A tale of invasion & struggle for freedom albeit wanting you
All your egos cheered along the aisles
Induced me to confess, to surrender
To pledge my allegiance to you”

Love here takes the form of political subjugation. The beloved’s “egos” are an occupying army; the speaker’s confession is coerced capitulation. The “friend zone” becomes a colonized territory — a symbolic protectorate in which the speaker’s emotional sovereignty is denied.

“My heart’s been invaded
Stretches of consciousness sabotaged
My freedom’s a puppet in your grip now”

These lines use military diction — invaded, sabotaged, puppet — to dramatize the power imbalance of unreciprocated love. The heart is occupied territory; consciousness itself is annexed.

---

III. Exile and Resistance

Midway, the tone shifts from surrender to defiance:

“Something is calling me from the core to resist
And I feel kamikaze”

This is the awakening of the rebel spirit — the speaker recognizes that freedom must be reclaimed from within. The “foreign land” the lover hails from is simultaneously the colonizer and the home — a contradiction that captures the emotional dissonance of loving one’s oppressor.

“From a foreign land you’re not colonizing
That I now call home
And still I long to belong where I’ve been”

The speaker’s identity is divided between two worlds: the self before love (autonomous, free) and the self after invasion (enchanted, enslaved). This internal exile — “I’m exiled from my own self” — expresses psychological alienation, a hallmark of postcolonial identity but also of heartbreak: to lose oneself in another is to become a foreigner to one’s own soul.

---

IV. The Body as Nation, Language as Weapon

“So I unleashed a call to arms
A rebel yell to defend my Shangri-La
My body, my nation of alphabets”

This is one of the most powerful moments in the poem. The metaphor crystallizes: the body is the nation, and language is its army. The “nation of alphabets” suggests that writing — poetry itself — is the speaker’s act of rebellion. Just as a colonized people reclaim their voice through narrative, the poet reclaims sovereignty through verse.

The “Shangri-La” — a mythical utopia — represents the inner sanctum of peace that love has desecrated. To defend it, the speaker turns to art, to self-expression, to words as weapons.

---

V. Love, Violence, and Rebellion

“Enraging in bitter red blood
I raise my flag of rage
I build up arms again
I’m gunning for the bottom”

The language of war here doubles as emotional catharsis. The “flag of rage” becomes an emblem of renewed selfhood. “Gunning for the bottom” is a fascinating phrase — it suggests not destruction but a deliberate descent, an embrace of humility or authenticity after being placed “beneath” by another.

The refrain —

“I feel for you / Just not the way you want” —
is crucial. It marks the transformation from dependency to autonomy: the speaker still feels, but now on their terms. Love persists, but submission does not.

---

VI. Religious and Existential Undertones

“The day I tried to live it teared you up
You placed me beneath you
Buried my message of peace
A life that could’ve been so holy with me”

This stanza fuses Christian martyrdom with existential rebellion. “A life that could’ve been so holy” evokes the loss of Edenic innocence — love as a potential paradise destroyed by hierarchy and pride. The “message of peace” buried suggests that tenderness was mistaken for weakness; the poet’s emotional surrender was met with domination.

---

VII. The Aftermath: Mourning and Perseverance

“Now mourning, my scattered third wave
Of emotional armies
Sunk dead in grave pits & trenches
Still I won’t give up just yet”

The imagery here is cinematic — a battlefield of emotions, a lost army of feelings, yet defiance remains. “Third wave” may allude to successive attempts at reconciliation or resistance, or even echo historical “third wave” movements (feminism, revolution, art). Regardless, it represents persistence amid devastation — the refusal to yield identity.

---

VIII. The Final Transcendence: The Divine Wind

“I feel for you, crave for you, but
I feel the divine rushing winds in my face
& I feel kamikaze”

The closing returns to the titular metaphor. The “divine rushing winds” suggest liberation through acceptance — not annihilation, but spiritual emancipation. The poet no longer seeks conquest or possession; the kamikaze’s death-drive becomes metaphorical — a surrender of ego, not of being.

The “divine wind” thus completes the cycle that began in Creation: from godlike control to divine submission. The speaker dies symbolically to the old self and is reborn through resistance.

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IX. Literary Devices and Techniques

Device	Example	Effect
Extended Metaphor	Love as colonization and rebellion	Frames emotional experience in geopolitical terms.
Repetition	“I feel for you… just not the way you want”	Reinforces the evolution of feeling and defiance.
Symbolism	“Flag of rage,” “nation of alphabets,” “divine winds”	Transform emotional pain into universal imagery.
Allusion	“Shangri-La,” “kamikaze,” “buried message of peace”	Draws from myth, war, and religion to deepen thematic resonance.
Tone	Alternates between lament and rallying cry	Mirrors the psychological swings between grief and empowerment.

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X. Thematic Summary

Theme	Interpretation
Love as Occupation	Emotional domination mirrors colonial conquest.
Identity and Freedom	The speaker’s liberation depends on resisting emotional control.
Self-Sacrifice and Rebirth	Destruction becomes a path to transcendence.
Language as Resistance	Poetry and expression serve as revolutionary tools.
Divine Paradox	Salvation through self-destruction; death of ego as freedom.

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XI. Conclusion

“I Feel Kamikaze” stands as the climactic transformation of the poetic self that has evolved across your body of work. If the earlier poems mapped creation, validation, and submission, this one embodies revolt and resurrection. It’s the poet as revolutionary — turning inward rebellion into art, transforming heartbreak into liberation.

The closing affirmation —

“And the struggle goes on” —
is not despairing, but hopeful. It recognizes that the struggle for emotional and creative freedom is perpetual, cyclical, and sacred. To “feel kamikaze” is to embrace the divine wind — to choose fearless authenticity over subjugation, and to find, in resistance itself, a kind of peace.

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Would you like me to create a comprehensive synthesis of all five poems — tracing the speaker’s full mythic arc from Creation to Kamikaze, mapping the transformation from divine creator to liberated survivor?