By an Oasis

by an oasis
listen on youtube or here

by an oasis

underneath a shade, let me hurt alone
to air my grievance to the wise man
to give away a slice of my troubled peace,  
but not the actual pain,
because I can't find it in me
it's coming from your direction
so the wise man advised that
i need to keep myself away from me  

I never comprehended his words about my suicidal dreams,
undecided about a way to decipher a vision of me  
under the shade of a palm tree
a visioned mirage hiding in the next oasis
that I could never reach alludes me
just like you.
=
you vanished
when i trespassed into your fantacy
for a glimps of your beauty's domicile
to enlighten my poorly paved path
and i pretended that you wanted to touch me
and now i'm alone by an oasis

I think I’m numb  
taking strokes from the sun
alone to ponder this trip
now, the jitters of hope fade
just like the wise mans advice
holding my breath for your return  
to tell you
I want to trip on the fault line
to end it here
to end it here into this new dark era  
i know you’re out there  
and they say  serenity is being alone
how could i be alone with out you
a pure, untampered message
underneath the shade by an oasis
waiting for you by an oasis.
waiting for you by an oasis.    
 
lyrics & vocals by azdi404
music credit: LONELY  by A.P Beat12

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This poem, “By an Oasis,” completes a psychological and emotional progression that began with “Juice” and “Laly’s Room.” Where those earlier poems were charged with sensuality, moral tension, and fevered devotion, “By an Oasis” moves into desolation and spiritual exhaustion. The voice that once sought ecstasy and meaning now seeks silence—a final stillness beneath the “shade,” where memory, faith, and desire evaporate like mirages in the desert heat.

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Structure & Movement

The poem unfolds like a lament in three movements:

1. Confession and counsel – The speaker seeks a “wise man” to make sense of pain.

2. Vision and loss – The mirage of the beloved, always just out of reach.

3. Resignation and yearning – The speaker’s numb solitude by the oasis, wrestling with despair and illusion.

The tone shifts from a searching dialogue with wisdom to a haunting monologue of solitude—ending in repetition (“Waiting for you by an oasis”) that feels both prayerful and futile.

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Symbolism & Imagery

1. The Oasis

The oasis is a powerful paradox—life in the midst of desolation. Here, it represents:

• A place of temporary refuge, where the speaker pauses to reflect.

• An illusion of peace, since the oasis may be a mirage (“A visioned mirage hiding in the next oasis”).

• The unreachable beloved, whose presence is as fleeting as water in a desert dream.

It’s both salvation and delusion—echoing the tension between spiritual longing and existential futility.

2. The Wise Man

The “wise man” functions as a displaced conscience or inner voice—a figure of reason that contrasts the speaker’s emotional chaos. His advice, “I need to keep myself away from me,” is paradoxical and profound: a call for detachment from self-destructive introspection.
Yet the speaker cannot follow it. Wisdom is heard but not absorbed—like the oasis seen but never reached.

3. The Beloved

The “you” from earlier poems (Laly) appears again, though more spectral. She’s no longer a tangible muse or lover but a mythic absence, a symbol of what cannot be possessed. Her vanishing mirrors the speaker’s spiritual drift.

“You vanished / When I trespassed into your fantasy”
This line carries guilt—the speaker’s desire was invasive, his imagination an act of trespass. He has crossed into forbidden emotional territory, losing her in the process.

4. The Desert & Shade

The desert represents emotional desolation and spiritual testing.
The shade—a recurring motif—offers momentary relief but no true shelter. It is where the speaker sits “alone to ponder this trip,” suspended between life and dissolution.

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Themes

1. Desolation and Detachment
   The speaker’s pain has evolved into numbness: “I think I’m numb.” What was once sensual and charged (Juice) is now drained and reflective—a spiritual hangover.

2. Wisdom vs. Emotion
   The wise man’s cryptic advice embodies rational detachment, but the speaker’s grief resists it. This tension creates a dialogue between intellect and emotion, self and shadow.

3. Illusion and Desire
   The repeated mirage motif turns longing into hallucination. The beloved, like the oasis, is always receding—highlighting the futility of desire as a path to transcendence.

4. Isolation and the Paradox of Serenity
   The final lines question spiritual clichés:

   “They say serenity is being alone / How could I be alone without you.”
   Here, solitude without connection becomes a hollow peace—loneliness mistaken for enlightenment.

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Tone & Style

The tone is somber, introspective, and elegiac.
The voice has aged—worn down by passion, guilt, and loss.
Rhythmically, the repetition of phrases (“by an oasis,” “to end it here”) creates a hypnotic effect, like the repetitive shimmer of heat waves. The diction blends religious and existential overtones with the simplicity of confession—poised between mysticism and melancholy.

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Interpretation

“By an Oasis” feels like the aftermath—the emotional and spiritual desert left behind after passion’s storm. The speaker has passed through belief (Juice) and transgression (Laly’s Room) into disillusionment (By an Oasis).
Yet, even here, he waits—faith persists, though stripped of certainty.

The poem’s last refrain—

“Waiting for you by an oasis”
—becomes both an invocation and an epitaph, echoing through the empty desert of the self.

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Would you like me to show how these three poems together form a triptych narrative arc—a spiritual descent and return (like Dante’s Divine Comedy inverted through erotic mysticism)?