azdi404

 wants of me listen on youtube or here One-half of me wants you. With all the glazing seeds you bring The other half knows what’s coming = the thirst exerted from roaming through your hair under the soft, scorching gaze of your hypnotic eyes It’s a Kain & Able duel rerun in me... = My friend, now the enemy from within myself, knows all my secrets. What a foe. = Freedom is for both of us to fall For you to watch us wither into dust , and the winner is the first loser at your altar. = I feed off what’s left in my traveling duffle bag crumbs of memories to sustain my journey pain itself is malnutrition to carry on & sustenance aggregated from tomorrow's dividends This attrition is numbing me. = I tell myself matters will get better, When you’re not around, Reality daydreams pushes me to turn off the lights of thoughts in my head, Close my eyes & migrate into yours Back to the first time, I saw you Where did I go wrong wanting you? and I wonder Where did I go wrong wanting...

 envy free listen on youtube or here one more time to tell you, baby love, I don't envy you underneath the surface of gray withered scratches. Under my face's uprooted landscape,   but I'm stagnating By the growing tall walls of your stories. I chose to be drugged by an expired kiss I found in your trash, the weight of my redemption quarantined my chances, they're isolated, spread apart from others the matching was so close to you from afar I was gluing them with potions from homegrown patches I grew anticipating you I was whispering, I'm coming to you I was singing, ooh- baby- love, I'm envy-free. = all those signs I overlooked the flags that turned red my face grew into an accident on my way to you, from where I came they all waved goodbye praying I won't come back I'm useless to whoever needs me I'll be somewhere on the fringes of a story. = Our meeting was an incident you've tried to re-attach your displaced faces the original you, & the...

 feed listen on youtube or here Let me watch you the way I want let me trace the root of my sickness I might find a hatch door to hate you Let me hear you whisper a cool breeze numbing my consciousness to sleep. You just love the darkness taking over me so I yield to your phantoms for a night truce, resting these weary inflaming bones, = my imagination accepts instances as they come, I saw a surviving homeless metaphor on the sidewalk from the other side, it recalled its survival & stories of faraway females, reflecting on times, carving words carefully. = disappearing into the night, as city spies, as third guests, walking karmas, blank tales of nobody yet, the blessed boys, the wicked girls hyping the ghost party in downtown Eden waiting to be fed. = In a lawless god's land, nothing's changed. the balance was still there you just possessed both sides tipping one over the other, I'm still searching the damp morning hours for a hatch door to disappear so there'll b...

 pendulum drums listen on youtube or here the paths of my poems blueprints to my imagination let it be known these realms are the domains of my muse. I'll tell you why = I purged my greed dropped all the stones that I carried abandoned selfishness or risked being ashamed   I cleared the clutter of the world's nonsense preserved every thread of air to grasp what I'll feel when it comes... to feel the beat of the drums = lines come in naked   pure as an infant child carrying alphabets arranged as puzzles what it's like to be subdued and free you have to be me to feel the beat of the drums = on the lawlessness of the playgrounds time has no meaning in this voyage just given air to roam, dreams that tickle the imaginations I plunder and split the spoils like a child to the needy & strangers = myself, angels, and devils getting along on our own devices consumed by what it's like in this twilight zone until we exit = just look at me; know that I slipped into a blinds...

 a song for chanel listen on youtube or here I volunteered to manifest west. find the root letter pluck the final rose Bid for it in a live auction Find the soul of my anthem song Shut it down, bring it back to you remnants of victory From the vocabulary frontier. I can write my song with these findings, a farewell eulogy to stagnating days, a burial gift wrapped off to Neverland. my turn to be alive in your head, proud of my poker face sowed onto my heart somewhat too thin To stroke remnants of ego. Look at my bleeding pen, subduing rebel letters on lines conscripting armies of emotions To colonize your mind. Both ends of the song cut me off, I remained stranded in the middle, comparing waking up dead in your head, is this enough to be alive in your soul? so here's a song for you, my soul shot, a new day to remember me by... for every tomorrow, a song for you, Chanel. = April 11, 2023 = lyrics & vocals by azdi404 Serendipity - Jorge Mendez Slowed Down + Reverb + Rain

 Come as you are listen on youtube or here Let me step aside with my disease A disposition familiar with all whom adored you when you come around with your blue dress your friends stand out as thorns guarding a rose   Self-respect is naked; you can't see me Privacy is dead, yet I'm breathing   I know the taboo words ... our names together I can’t speak them to you about what they mean = the advice that you give are for friends, so let me review your jagged-shaped heart let me consume that friendship disease that keeps me locked outside ... let me clear the path to inch my way closer to you = come as you are, but not as a friend I want bloody lips, lying smiles contagious words, disarming thoughts absorbing it all ...   I'd rather be an acquaintance fighting off ancient disturbing memories flowing with the trending times = come as you are Turn off the gray color filter Turn on your cool brown eyes, look let your style waltz in I want to get to know you better more th...

 day old orphan listen on youtube or here embrace me until the darkness walks away Cradle me like a day-old orphan Take me to a state of trust Release me when I’m asleep To wake up as I’m saved from a nightmare but now I’m tethered to you & you’re gone = I’m bound to find you not to thank you but to give me to you I'll follow Imprints of your shadows that float around me I’ll follow legacies and rumors Guiding me to the Sea of Galilee a sea of breathing pixels uncertain of your next tide === I’ll hold a candle to the guiding shadows to warm my reflection To draw a map of my face on the sand retracing your footprint at the edge until you feel like saving someone Until you miss this orphan Until you get back to land, = I’ll guide you through the last swimming strokes to come and take me away and embrace me in the sea from the demons of loneliness embrace me until the darkness walks away Cradle me like a day-old orphan hold me like a day-old orphan child = Jan 10, 2023 = lyrics ...

 crystalized smile listen on youtube or here I believed in sowing the seeds, so I harvested memories absorbing details of your face & body clips, reels, stills, 3D shapes of you if you suddenly disconnect from me, it wasn't me when it happened you walked away you had no words for goodbye I still love the little gap between your two front teeth you still owe me a crystallized smile = a devious heist of nameless days the outrage of a weakened man I praised the lord through you in grievance measures of revenge taken in silent prayers = scales of forgiveness depends on the weight of the grief when will I see you again, short of a smile you owe when your sweet mouth smiles are tight-lipped my need traces back to a banished, pitied soul hurt is packed by the dozens, some spares of hate, two pills to be exact I need to see the little gap between your two front teeth it's so much you; it's your signature. It's your crystalized smile. = I unleashed the leash from the neck o...

 cooler dead listen on youtube or here being with you grasped me like a drug addiction now the memories supply my fix like methadone, pimping me out, eyes wide shut, avoiding the end that I see coming suppressing me not to wake up, not to feel the loss of novelty vows the scene of you running away is still vivid, abducting the yearnings of my sincerity along it placed me in a coffin called earth a waiting room until I'm called, just waiting for my body to cease, fumbling with little left recycling little organic "could've been's." moments feeding breadcrumbs to the universe disintegrating back into space to where you abruptly ran away to but you're coming back to me now it took so much to let you go you're coming back to me now it took so much to let you go solitude was my ally my heart's too disfigured to know you but you had that "come on feeling,"  that "come on feeling," with all the trappings I needed resurrecting someone I re...

 outcast v1 listen on youtube or here I’m swept aside, cradling the residue of sins, derived from the bottom of your lust sewage, I separate them into my fault and yours, It’s your party, but I've abducted the graduation cake, adoring the guilt of a cherished mistake. I've custom-made the trimmings with the talent of recklessness & misery's priceless advice. = I'm convicted & stable   not hated nor loved, not at risk of being deposed or upgraded, just an outcast.   = Watching other fools being played, I reserved a spot; from my exile, away up in the nosebleed section a phantom. = Concrete lies destines to beget solid, twisted outcomes seldom defended by the white elephant in the room = I remember that very clear, When I penned myself that outcast, you see = I belong, feasting on drama scraps off the unfortunate table until the curtains touches the stage. A good-night I budget my lungs to 15 cubic feet of air for the climax … and I'm still here. = I know wha...

 strange soul brew v1 listen on youtube or here strange soul brews you concoct, addicts my soul, I crave this sensation, to have you in a delicate way,   so feed my flesh; I'm created to need. = I soak in the sun   stretch my skin to dry it makes a better drum echo for my midnight serenades it cools the moonlight's burns braided locks of your hair soaked with saliva from your sweet mouth, as a healing lotion...  = What does depression look like? What does abuse look like? Look at what you have done. I've been strapped & stepped on again bruised on the side that old familiar pain different parts of me wants one suicide at a time. = a traveling morgue rescues me admitted to an asylum under a glass dome by the Bermuda triangle descent of the damned begins when they serve me your concoction I make electric tears watered down laughter scraped the sorrow from tree barks wished them luck at the fountains of the forgotten to count me in.... = Arc of the Pendulum, extend...

 red flags listen on youtube or here I confess to myself   that I liked everything bad about you,   religious ways by day sultry sways by night are fine, I'm lacking daily doses of salt flavor, I fell for the flags of white & blue I'm lacking heed, I didn't care what the mouths said that's why... I missed the red flags. = a thought of clarity by daylight, when you're gone it's all good when you're here, I've knitted a sweater for warmth boosting immunity from night pain When you're away Repulsing the rashes of hindsight = Imprints of my shadow on the wall I stood by, my smile drawn with crayons, the little things I cared for don't care anymore. = so the waves of my breathing days spelled it doom; it was so clear, I chose not to listen I have breathed them all my life they wouldn't lie, I believe in denial the world lacks anything similar to you that's why, I ignored the red flags = my hands digging into my core for more patience to c...

 female fury listen on youtube or here Thirst Thirst demanded more than words it needed grooving fingers to soothe the itch Decibels fluctuated Between politically correct and her newfound soft rage so what's on her mind? I filter pulp fiction from letters and her innuendos from the core, I measure past, present and I see She used to be so sane = sanitized words layered with dirty thoughts stacked it filters out through heated bed sheets How much was swept away? Look where all these innuendos got us we used to be so sane. = she holds the beast inside, angry, it keeps me edgy. for a moment it faded away when I turned my face the confusion sets in; glancing back, Disarming my intentions, falling to the floor, brittle Forming a mosaic of her obeying to serve her uncovering the soft colors of my greed. = in her female fury a royal flush, Queen of Hearts, everybody gets stabbed, stomp the guess out of me I'll be at fault; I'll take the fall the wisdom of trauma is invaluable....

 Elcee's Birthday listen on youtube or here Unexplainable thoughts I have 9 on this December morning is this day tacked on your calendar? It's been a row of fruitful seasons. subtract one from me for not being around my declining seasons seem mundane = I don't have birth moments like you, just hope & anticipation so I tag on to yours. your Birthday's an epiphany I give it room service A bump up from gravity A blessing you're around albeit opposite ends of coasts. = though the reasons are here In the flesh and bones of you celebrating nothing is out of the ordinary; you do you in Los Angeles, and I am still me, still swaying with what's left of your sweet aura in New York City. What a deserted place on this elevated day dragging out my side, that's stuck in the moments. = It's the time of the season to change, to renew the old, like me The Seasonal winds of change Ripping me away from you drifting parts of me fall like leaves my days slapped around i...

 Kissing a Saint listen on youtube or here come from afar come in slow motion build up the momentum all my anguishes are here, ready to trickle into you so banish the innocent ones purify the dirty make it clear I'm no longer your friend you took too long to break the mold I could've helped I wanted you before I even knew it So take a deep breath, grant the air around me room to breathe, so I can send you what does not ache the flavors of life is what you make of it where would you have me now? What would you do? sweeten the saltiness off my lips tip the scale of destiny, any which way just don't let me know why I'll chalk it up to a slip of life god created life you create the moments we measure, making us humans , eradicate the mundane past, no longer do I need redemption, just some part of you to numb this stigma of living without a sanctuary so let me send my message clear being a sinner and a dreamer and a redeemer come with your sweet mouth come in a forgiving mo...

 blunders listen on youtube or here let me tell you about some blunders love & complexity lies ahead but look both ways between two dawns options collide a distance away the no-way-out ramp around the curve, 2 miles down the road. and hope is road blocked by 14 sealed love letters holding the passwords, so before I retrieve them get away if you can before I consume you as a display in the art of passion for I a lucky cave dweller in you I'm in your sphere I hunt hallucinations = wait at the pit stop for a bullet train over there by river road carrying the lucky pendant it's your lucky charm it's a first-class package hand-delivered to you signature across a dead heart required = don't blame me for the summer burns winter chills bring us together again nobody knows & nobody has to know how we cuddle nobody has to know about the black phone book with the elite numbers & neon lights mark a new avenue down your corridors secrets of a prelude to fear a diary too...

 guilt contagious listen on youtube or here nevermind the actual 3D scars sharpen your artistic brush strokes tattoo my skin with colors of sundown & midnight while waiting for the sunrise, yellow words expresses my suffering, my gray face for being withered, blue & black on my bones for bruises isn't this what you wished for? A waste landfill, I am between us an empty highway, & I wait for you to come and unload and blame me for your shortcomings it's guilt contagious.... we are guilt contagious.... = I feel the burden, just like you except you have a place to unload I'm nursing the feelings to alter the facts so they don't hurt anymore so talk to me, I swallow every lie I keep excuses hallow I loathe the need for you, baby love, but you need me around to hide the deceptions in the dumping grounds we share it's guilt contagious.... we are guilt contagious.... = I grow with you while we missed this and that we traded tid for tat, but I'm happy for y...

 sleep baby sleep listen on youtube or here sleep baby sleep don't drown in my pillows don't overkill my dreams I know greed can be overwhelming don't write me off, rumors you brew are just for two my shadows bestow the warmth, pixels in my imagination stretches to accommodate the resolution of your will = how alone can you fancy with my dreams abusing them to the far borders I have died in you, singular and plural I have died with you and against you I was on both sides of the chessboard baby the ally and the Traitor = take a sip of blood honey drawn from me to quench the thirst a mixture of my words and perplexity Trace the third line on your palms gossips fueling a fake fire Touch me in new york Rub me the wrong way call from L.A. My feelings for you are still the same in every timezone take my dreams, and let me wait here by the side of your bed until you come back in the morning   with my dreams hollowed out, sleep, baby, sleep. sleep baby, sleep some more don't p...

 Someone listen on youtube or here Someone came to me I was tired of attending  today Someone whispered to me I have years to go without you Someone looked at me confronting my fears   Someone reminded me of your name that's why your presence still lingers on Someone touched me, a proxy from you But time recoils & bounces never erases, just flexible. Someone held me, it had your signature squeeze Captivating me Someone let me go as you usually do You had all of me still & faces chased all hope for longing It’s another day for passersby to share what i already know I see someone coming to me my kind of scene all over again Let’s begin with you You had all of me in everyone that came to me They were your angel’s hands holding sanity process in check I’ll hold on just to say i held you once For the sake of the euphoria Of seeing you again Someone will find my body floating In the muddy waters at wave break At the daily ritual spot, expired. Someone is bound to tell ...

 the Offering listen on youtube or here Laly, I just needed one more verse I was a verse short when you left you fell off this poem oblivious to the lines the ticking of time the misplaced stepping stones or deducing the crux of the rhymes leaving me unfinished. I, alone here, guarded the stanzas from smoke, negative verses from ashes of time on the ruins & landscapes of your reputation, I had it on the reserved loop mode clearing paths for memories to flow back & forth that might lead you back when you picked another stream laly I promised myself that, I will last forever with you with a poem for those after us to remember a definition of how to break a heart you offered to martyr me at the pinnacle of my devotion to you, to go out on top, but I declined, I was a fertile crescent, I had more dedication, to pave a path to our now-ruined penthouse, to accommodate you one more night. I should've taken the offer but I was a fool I should have known I would've been done wi...