an ode to beauty

An Ode to Beauty
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This is an ode to beauty

in my 55 years roaming this earth
I've known women every so often,  
either in real life or through imagination
but never committed forever to anyone.
because I never expressed
none asked
so I never did.
You see, My dedication was to the captivating ones.
seldom one would come along and just
uproot my world violently,
causing me to write this,
to purge to speak this as a last will & testament
some kind of therapy or confession.
=
Beauty ranges in all different calibers  
and so my dedication to them.  
I could never find that such a word exists for one
I'm not a poet, but I express myself as a man  
passing through the decades and the world
with thoughts not to attract or bargain with women,  
because their beauty never lasts,  
but my words do.
Do you think women would understand & forgive me?  
=
name them, and I knew them, Mona Lisa,
Venus, the girl with a pearl earring;
Olympia, Madame X, the crystal ball girl,  
the girl next door, the centerfolds,
I sculptured, folded, laid them down  
between pages, on rows, and lines  
describing them to the lonely, that in the subconscious mind  
there is another world, free of socials guides.  
where they no longer see anyone as old, fat, ugly, broke, shy or lonely
I take them on trips into many fantasies
and form an image of what they should be like  
falling into every mold for everyone.
  =
I don't see fault in carving them out of their canvases
or attract their aura from thin air,  
I don't claim mud-honey from underneath their footsteps,
or guarantee profanities won't come out of their mouths, or   
change what everyone is meant to have
however, I like to conceive them as my birth,  
so I wrap them as I want in silence  
with the best materials of the alphabet,
how is the alphabet formed?
That's up to taste.
=
I would die one day with a remarkable woman in my heart,
not for marriage, but free to possess the pinnacle of my emotions as a muse.
presently the only one captivating me like a noose
wouldn't practice her humanity,
I broke my vow to keep everything silent
but her absence got the best of me,
she was so cruel to me in real life,
quoting that she saw me as a friend (platonic) if at that, if I'm lucky,  
maybe she sees me as ugly, despised, old,
undeserving, unworthy of her,
requesting not to dedicate any thoughts to her
not to mention her name,
but the request is denied,
she's the queen of hearts,
the pinnacle of my thoughts,
because I'm old, and the culmination of my experience offers this,
and I might not have enough time on earth to wait for another one.
=
I just wanted her signature on me, just to say it's okay, and I didn't get it.
She's too young & cocky now & will understand when it's too late  
when the growing days turn into countdown numbers.
When she's old & I'm gone
so, for now, I'll file her with the others
and get back on track the old way,
keep my mouth shut & imagine from afar.  
=
the issue with dedication, as I said  
that it dies very slowly, so she'll be around for a while  
because keystrokes, ink on paper, imprints on memories,
never forgets & never lies
it lasts forever
after all of this
can I think women would understand & forgive me?  
What do you think?  
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lyrics & vocals : azdi404
z Acoustic Doom Instrumental - Hell [Beautiful Death]
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