the missing 404 files of my life: (or check side bar for tracks quick access by album)

I was a Boy

 i was a boy listen on youtube or here I exiled myself from the outside into the void  Not to run away but to find myself  I thought & believed what I observed to be the difference there had been signs of crumblings & decay = I need to rebuild myself  To know me before I introduce myself to others In this strange atmosphere I realized that  I've discovered an ancient pulse  it’s found in every reciprocation  with born whispers from breathing souls  = reaching into every mind through grievances laid on walls    tagging through skin for best results via gentle touch and through these we find the divine that lifts us up And being alone I had only one place to search ,  further inward, down in the sub basement of my core  i needed a reflection of me to see me in the third person Am I searching for the divinity of god or the divinity from within?  it started when I was a boy and she was nothing in the void I was a boy a...
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Stone Cold Maria

stone cold maria v2

listen on youtube or here

 

stone cold maria v1
listen on youtube or here

Sweet Maria, let me tell you about my thoughts on that night

& why you caught me gazing into the void

I lay here stone cold, numb.....  on a makeshift bed,

naked in my skin, my most suitable attire, 

& you straddling my chest,

Your touch paralyzing me as a straitjacket,     

questioning my wasted years without you, 

 =

a mirror reflecting me from the ceiling,  

counting my eyelids shuddering for every day missed, 

from the tightening grip of your mouth on my lips,  

never to entirely kill me or to let me live in peace.  

=

It's not dying that I fear,  

It's seeing the expression on your face 

When I take my last breath, is it sorrow or a goodbye

=

Waiting for you to know that  

To be assertive is to be more merciful,  

like the day you drove your beautiful self to me, testing my fortitude 

That's now succumbing at your grip. 

=

I had faith in you,

I let you in to build a podium for your ego 

So I could occupy its size to fulfill your needs 

I've built castles for wintertime and 

tents for the summer coastlines 

I've carved a pool in my mind to accommodate  

dripping saliva from your mouth for my midnight skinny dipping..... 

=

Everything smiled the day your mercy touched  

Every scar you burned me with,  

charred a delicately tattooed me

=

Everything smiled the day your mercy touched me  

The day you touched every scar you burned me with,  

charred a delicately tattooed me, 

short of a cure,  

gazing at your neck & backside from the mirror's reflection,

wondering how crazy & warm a healing 

erupts from inside you.

= 

You're still straddling my chest  

cautious about delivering a final blow  

Even though you know that,  

I'm lying here harmless,  

paralyzed & stone cold...

I still remember you

I remember everything

Everything you've done to me

Stone Cold Maria

======

for maria

April 14, 2003

======

lyrics & vocals: azdi404

music credit: trust by apbeat12

============

=========================================== ===========================================

stone cold maria v1 


sweet maria, let me tell you about my thoughts on last night
& why you caught me gazing into the void

I lay here stone cold, numb.....  
on a makeshift sick bed, in a straight jacket,
naked in my skin, my most suitable attire,      
& you straddling my chest,
questioning my wasted years without you,
 =
a mirror reflecting me from the ceiling,  
counting my eyelids shutter for every day missed,
from the tightening grip  of your mouth, having on my lips,  
never to entirely kill me
or to let me live in peace.  
=
it's not dying that I fear,  
it's seeing the expression on your face
when I take my last breath  
as I lay here stone cold,
=
waiting for you, waiting for you, my love to know that  
to be assertive is to be more merciful,  
like the day you drove your beautiful self to me  
testing my fortitude
that's now succumbing at your grip.
=
I had faith in you,
I let you in to build a podium for your ego
so I could occupy its size to fulfill your needs
I've built castles for wintertime and
tents for the summer coastlines
while I was looking for shade by an empty lake  
when you looked the other way
I've carved a pool in my mind to accommodate  
dripping saliva from your mouth to top it off.....
=
everything smiled the day your mercy touched  
every scar you burned me with,  
charred a delicately tattooed me,
short of a cure,  
gazing at your neck & backside
from the mirror's reflection,
wondering how crazy & warm a healing
it would be from the inside.
=
you're still straddling my chest  
cautious about delivering a final blow  
even though you know that,  
I'm laying here harmless,  
paralyzed & stone cold...
======
for maria
April 14, 2003
======
lyrics & vocals: azdi404
music credit: Tranquil by Whitesand
SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/martynaslau
DOWNLOAD LINK: https://www.dropbox.com/s/9llp77uszc...


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