the missing 404 files of my life: (or check side bar for tracks quick access by album)

I was a Boy

 i was a boy listen on youtube or here I exiled myself from the outside into the void  Not to run away but to find myself  I thought & believed what I observed to be the difference there had been signs of crumblings & decay = I need to rebuild myself  To know me before I introduce myself to others In this strange atmosphere I realized that  I've discovered an ancient pulse  it’s found in every reciprocation  with born whispers from breathing souls  = reaching into every mind through grievances laid on walls    tagging through skin for best results via gentle touch and through these we find the divine that lifts us up And being alone I had only one place to search ,  further inward, down in the sub basement of my core  i needed a reflection of me to see me in the third person Am I searching for the divinity of god or the divinity from within?  it started when I was a boy and she was nothing in the void I was a boy a...
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Impure Intentions

 impure intentions

listen on youtube or here

impure intentions

I’ve done it today 
I’ve raised my arms to the sky 
the lord stalled and wouldn’t let me forget  
& The devil laughed & wouldn’t let it go 
one offered hope and the other offered fairies
I was crushed in this miserable dilemma

awaking from sleeping decades somewhat naked & dead  
counting lost years, some were given, 
some were used up, but mostly taken

so I huddle with my back-stabbing frenemies
I can't afford to lose that side of human nature
true friends of the dark side they are  
excuse my intentions for being so impure

I glossed through flaming screenshots recovering my soul
probing a crazy genie witchcraft-er
reason my sanity and praise sensations
I'd love to extract moisture and more
I'm in sour dire

my lord,
I worship Your Highness  
and I have sinful emotions  
in this blackened heart to experience  
before I tidy my notions  
I'm in sour dire
excuse my intentions for being so impure

I need to witness darkness before light  
sadness before laughter  
madness before forgiveness  
excuse my intentions for being so impure 

stretching out my mind debunking theories
locating a spare locket of time tucked in a corner 
for one last trip back down memory lane 
where it all went wrong 

I wanted to go back to when we were innocent
where you and I played with the second hand of time
you, you pulling it backward into the void it came from
wanting to stay careless in the moment

and I, pushing it forward to see where tomorrow takes us
I wanted to watch you breathe into womanhood
wanting to build a family tree
but a hiccup in time interfered 
laying out costume-made dreams as I watched 
& you couldn't resist and you were gone

so you migrated & the crucifying taste of it still lingers 
and I dived into those sad saga territories 
& I showed myself around
taming those old inflections 
& I can't be anything but a memory now

so I gift-wrapped myself in a poem you liked
and sent it to you shaped as a memorial of me
if you feel anything but sincerity
excuse my intentions for being so impure

but I’ve done what I can today 
I’ve raised my arms to the sky 
so excuse my intentions for being so impure
=========
lyrics & vocals by azdi404 
music credit: monarch by exilian
================

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