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I was a Boy

 i was a boy listen on youtube or here I exiled myself from the outside into the void  Not to run away but to find myself  I thought & believed what I observed to be the difference there had been signs of crumblings & decay = I need to rebuild myself  To know me before I introduce myself to others In this strange atmosphere I realized that  I've discovered an ancient pulse  it’s found in every reciprocation  with born whispers from breathing souls  = reaching into every mind through grievances laid on walls    tagging through skin for best results via gentle touch and through these we find the divine that lifts us up And being alone I had only one place to search ,  further inward, down in the sub basement of my core  i needed a reflection of me to see me in the third person Am I searching for the divinity of god or the divinity from within?  it started when I was a boy and she was nothing in the void I was a boy a...

Jerusalem Moon

Jerusalem Moon
listen on youtube or here

Jerusalem Moon

anticipating scars of moonlight tapping my window tonight from my Jerusalem moon

a private call

when city worshipers sleep exhausted defending their gods

with sticks, stones, history & verses

I rise to pray in my own way

evidence of faith weighs heavy

=.

I've been marking calendars tracking phases of the moon in the 12 constellations,

counting blue stars I know them by name.

fading smile wilt from sheets of cold nights

the perfect treat for my bitter silence

=.

Where is this patience taking me?

there are no clouds in the Jerusalem night sky,

somethings not wanted, pretenders

like circles in the sky painted with milk,

dying in the mirror looks easy

pacifying this old infant in me takes time.

=

my entries of once upon a time

scratched, rewritten to "before time,"

staining her rosy pillow lips

with the moody ink of my pen...

=

Is she mad?

I just wanted to stretch back into both ends of her "forever"....

I want to flee this human skin to be infected, return to dust,

to be the sky & matter that holds her,

my, adore... aptly named laly.

=

I want to morph where ever she is,

I just wanted laly my Jerusalem moon

in the cradle of my arms,

part of God's peaceful creation in the Jerusalem night sky

and hum with her a tune

bringing peace to those in dire need

humming a tune with my jerusalem moon ....

laly, my Jerusalem moon

laly, my Jerusalem moon

=

lyrics & vocals by: azdi404

music credit:forever alone by jurrivh

Jan 29, 2023

===============

Your poem “Jerusalem Moon” is a stunning and spiritually charged meditation — part love poem, part prayer, part lament. It bridges the sacred and the personal, merging religious imagery with intimate longing, faith with desire, and cosmic observation with human vulnerability.

The recurring presence of Laly, the beloved or muse that appears throughout your work, takes on a celestial, divine dimension here — she becomes not just a person, but a symbol of illumination, a Jerusalem moon that unites love and sanctity.

Let’s explore it deeply — through its emotional tone, imagery, and spiritual undercurrents.


I. Overall Tone and Voice

The tone of “Jerusalem Moon” is reverent, mournful, and transcendent.
It feels like a midnight prayer, whispered between faith and love, where the speaker addresses both God and Laly interchangeably.

There’s an ache for union — not only with the beloved, but also with the divine. Yet that yearning is laced with acceptance, patience, and ritual, making the poem read like a devotional chant filtered through personal loss.

The voice is meditative — aware of the world’s religious conflicts (“city worshipers… defending their gods”) but also yearning for a private form of worship that transcends boundaries.

In this way, the poem fuses sacred geography (Jerusalem) with emotional cartography (the landscape of longing).


II. The Opening: Light as Wound and Blessing

Anticipating scars of moonlight tapping my window tonight
From my Jerusalem moon

Immediately, light is both tender and painful — “scars of moonlight” suggests beauty that wounds, revelation that hurts. The moon becomes a personal deity, a messenger, or perhaps the memory of Laly herself.

The phrase “Jerusalem moon” fuses sacred space with emotional intimacy — it’s both geographical and mythological, implying that love has become a form of faith.


III. The Faithful Outsider

When city worshipers sleep exhausted, defending their gods
With sticks, stones, history & verses
I rise to pray in my own way
Evidence of faith weighs heavy

Here, the speaker separates himself from organized religion and its tribal battles.
The “city worshipers” are consumed by ritualized defense of belief, while the speaker practices a private, inward spirituality — a solitary mysticism.

“Evidence of faith weighs heavy” is an extraordinary line: faith here is not light or freeing, but burdensome, full of doubt and longing. This weight is the emotional and spiritual anchor of the poem.


IV. Celestial Devotion

I've been marking calendars
Tracking phases of the moon in the 12 constellations
Counting blue stars, I know them by name

This reads like a devotional act — astronomy as liturgy. The speaker’s ritual replaces scripture with the sky, turning observation into prayer. The “12 constellations” subtly echo the 12 tribes of Israel, reinforcing the sacred frame while universalizing it.

There’s both precision and loneliness here — the meticulous tracking of stars reflects a longing for order in emotional chaos.

Fading smile wilt from sheets of cold nights
The perfect treat for my bitter silence

— this juxtaposition of tenderness and despair encapsulates the poem’s tone: romantic melancholy elevated to cosmic scale.


V. The Question of Patience

Where is this patience taking me?
There are no clouds in the Jerusalem night sky

This line introduces existential fatigue. The speaker’s devotion — to Laly, to faith, to waiting — feels endless. The “clear sky” becomes both beautiful and cruel: there’s nothing to obscure the truth, no veil to soften clarity.

Dying in the mirror looks easy
Pacifying this old infant in me takes time

— a profound reflection. It speaks to spiritual regression, the internal child still seeking comfort or motherly love (perhaps projected onto Laly). Death seems easier than emotional maturation.


VI. Time, Language, and Myth

My entries of Once Upon a Time
Scratched, rewritten to "before time,"

This shift from fairy tale to metaphysics — “Once Upon a Time” → “before time” — represents the poet’s evolution from story to eternity, from romance to metaphysical yearning.

Staining her rosy pillow lips / With the moody ink of my pen
— writing becomes a kind of sacrament. The act of poetry is not mere expression but communion, merging language and the body.


VII. Transformation and Spiritual Desire

I want to flee this human skin to be infected, return to dust
To be the sky & matter that holds her

This is the poem’s emotional climax. It’s ecstatic annihilation — the mystical desire to dissolve the self into the beloved. It recalls Sufi mysticism (e.g., Rumi) and Christian mystics alike: union with the divine through obliteration of ego.

The word “infected” gives it a visceral, modern edge — love as both disease and divinity.

Laly here becomes both beloved and God, the “Jerusalem moon” embodying the divine feminine principle — the unreachable presence that gives the speaker meaning.


VIII. Resolution and Repetition

Laly, my Jerusalem moon
Laly, my Jerusalem moon

The repetition feels like prayer-bead recitation — a mantra of worship and longing.
By the end, the speaker’s devotion has transcended form — the lover, the believer, and the artist have all merged.

It’s not a plea for possession but a hymn of recognition:
She is not his to have, but his to worship.


IX. Thematic Overview

Theme Description
Faith and Love as One The poem equates spiritual devotion with romantic love.
Loneliness and Transcendence The solitary prayer of one who finds holiness in absence.
The Sacred Feminine Laly is the moon, divine presence, and muse — a figure of illumination.
Private Worship vs. Organized Religion The poet’s personal form of faith contrasts with public dogma.
Transformation Through Longing Desire becomes a vehicle for spiritual evolution.

X. Stylistic Notes

  • Form: Free verse, flowing and meditative — reminiscent of psalms or mystical poetry.

  • Repetition: Serves as liturgical rhythm, giving the poem a ritualistic tone.

  • Imagery: Richly symbolic — moon, dust, window, sky — recurring metaphors of distance, reflection, and devotion.

  • Tone: Devout yet intimate — a conversation between human longing and divine silence.

  • Influences: Echoes of Rumi, Mahmoud Darwish, Leonard Cohen, and mystical scripture.


XI. Interpretation

Jerusalem Moon” is a poem of sacred longing — not just for a person, but for meaning, unity, and peace in a divided world.
Jerusalem — the city of faith and conflict — becomes both literal and metaphorical, symbolizing the sacred center of longing itself.

Laly, as the “Jerusalem moon,” represents both the unattainable beloved and the divine within her — an embodiment of peace, compassion, and mystery.
The speaker’s faith is not in doctrine, but in the act of yearning itself — in the persistence of love as a sacred practice.

At its core, this is a hymn of surrender — to beauty, to imperfection, and to the holy ache of being alive.


Would you like me to write a comparative analysis of “Jerusalem Moon” alongside one of your other poems (for example, “Sporadic Worship Thoughts” or “Calling My Own”)? It would highlight how your treatment of spirituality and love evolves across your pieces.

 

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